illusion

Lately I've noticed how much our culture (or maybe just those who are around 30 and under) is content with the illusion of company. For instance, I'm bored sitting at home by myself, so I decide to twitter and let the world know what I'm doing or thinking. All 40 of them. :) Or I'm waiting at a doctor's office, and I'm not interested in flipping through magazines. So I get online on my phone, read an email, read a blog, check my facebook notifications, text a few people I haven't heard from in a few hours, and I feel a little more content with the time I've had to wait. As if I've spent my time actually interacting with someone.

But the truth is, I have not. I have only been occupied (not interacting) with something that is not alive, breathing, emotional, feeling, or loving. I have allowed its substitute, a mere representation of a person (if on a social network) to be enough. And I have allowed the exposure and expression of my own self to take the place of real scheduled encounters with people I call friends.

Is there a healthy guilt that should come with recognizing this substitution? I think so. We all like to find justifications for it, claiming that we spend as much time on the phone or in person with those who really matter to us as we would without these networks, but I'm not sure that is true. I'm pretty sure my phone would be ringing more, or I would be calling people way more to find out about their lives, if the world wide web didn't already provide us such an easy way to stalk people and stay in-the-know, without them ever knowing.

I like how Brent makes points and gives truths in his sermons by saying what things are NOT, and then what they ARE. So I'm going to list things that are NOT company, they are only an illusion. Just something to occupy our time. Think about how often we are tricked.

Things that don't make great company (how rude):

Facebook
Twitter
Twitpics
Blogs
Myspace
Texts

Things that make great company:

People

far from home

Lately my heart has been comforted by the fact that this earth is not my home. We know it, we sing about heaven, but I know I'm one of the ones who doesn't usually live like it. My heart typically responds more passionately to the things that I will be leaving behind instead of the One I will be with forever. And I have been challenged lately to reverse this way of responding to life and to circumstances.

I wanted to post some lyrics to two songs that have spoken true of this fact: that our existence on earth will not ever be fully resolved, and that is how it is meant to be. 1 Peter 2:11 refers to us as "aliens and strangers in the world". On days where I have felt a longing for more, a discontent with the way I am, or the way sin affects our existence, I have embraced this part of God's plan, with these lyrics helping me.

If I find in myself
Desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude
That I, I was not made for here

If the flesh that I fight
Is at best only light and momentary,
Then of course I'll feel nude
When to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser

Soon and very soon my King is coming
Robed in righteousness and crowned with love
When I see Him I shall be made like Him
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon I"ll be going
To the place He has prepared for me
There my sin erased, my shame forgotten
Soon and very soon

I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon

Soon by Hillsong United

how far i haven't come

i realized, recently, that much of my spiritual turmoil, 99% of the time, can be traced back to eve and the original sin.

reluctance, fear, impatience, hesitation, and manipulation are things (i've started to notice) i portray when it comes to my response or approach to God and decisions that present themselves to me. big and small. i also portray these things in relationships around me and as it is being revealed to me, i relate to our first lady.

these things are all rooted in sin. the very sin eve committed: wanting to KNOW. eve wanted to know good and evil. she thought that knowing these things would make her like God in her knowledge.

i'm not sure i consciously have thoughts of wanting to be like God (in the way eve did), but i definitely am way too driven by thoughts of wanting to know. wanting to know... WHEN? WHY? WHO? HOW? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO? HOW CAN I HELP?

the frequency in which these questions arise demonstrates that at least part of me thinks that God needs my help. that i need to be in charge. and if i'm not in charge, i somehow am driven by the desire to at least know something until i can be in charge. sick.

God has been teaching me submission lately. that it really is part of His plan for me to never fully know His plan! sometimes it's painful to see areas where i am the most weak, and need the most help, and this is one of them. i can't submit to friends, family, authority, wisdom, and a future spouse, if i am not actively submitting to God in my daily worries, decisions, and aspirations. roof off (me and God). walls down (me and others).

it's no coincidence that Brent preached Sunday on the topic of "the art of waiting." it was so timely and convicting. as i aspire to be more purposeful (and less anxious) in waiting, i know that God will continue to guide me and give me humility to submit and trust.

God's workmanship

i was talking to a friend today who said there was joy and contentment in my voice.

my response was yes, there is. hallelujurr! (in madea's words)... God is good like that. He gives us days that are light. days when the burdens of yesterday aren't so heavy, and the glass is half full rather than half empty. i love that about Him. it is the gentle Lamb allowing us to trust and rely on His Lion characteristics. just when i think life has become too intense, or that i have become too stuck in my ways or foolish thinking, He lifts me up and out of my "pits", sometimes flesh pits, sometimes just pits made out of my own boredom or self pity....and He sets my feet upon a rock, a solid place, of rest and reassurance.

sometimes, i think i take myself, other people, life, or ministry too seriously. on heavy days, i can quickly become anxious and untrusting because of my determination and self-reliance. they make me too serious because i feel i have the power or responsibility to fix or control every problem. it's so funny to think about, really. i sometimes think...."and WHO ever told you to bear the weight of the world?? really?..." yes. yes, i know.

on other days, even the light ones, i realize that while i can be a bit intense, it doesn't change the fact that people are, in fact, very important and complex creatures and do require most of our time, attention, affection, grace, and way too many other things to take lightly without study or concern or attention to detail. without LOVE.

i read an article yesterday in "relevant" that confirmed this thought. i will end with a section of it-with the comforting thought in mind that God gives us the tools to love people and do all we can to make a difference to those around us, and to come out of our own pits to do so, if we can allow ourselves to trust Him first.

people will say, "we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously," which to some extent is true. but it's also important to remember, as the ever-direct (but occasionally ironic) C.S. Lewis famously noted: "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." existence is inescapably serious. as stupid as people can be, and as silly as this world sometimes seems, we cannot forsake the truth that people are holy beings who will eternally exist- for better or worse. if our generation will realize this- that not everything can be made light of and that irony has its limits- perhaps there is hope for us yet. -brett mccracken

moments later

i have seen lately how manipulative and intentional the enemy can be in the life of a Christ follower.
i have felt him, observed his ways. they are tricky, painful, and exhausting. i am in a battle and i think for the first time in my life, i realize the full need to armor up. it is clear to me that if i don't, i will quickly and pathetically be swallowed by defeat.

for me, he makes his playground in my mind.

he knows how to ruin me, not even days....moments sometimes...after i resolve to think differently. to take every thought captive and make it obedient. for instance...

i resolve to believe the truth and dismiss the lies; he enables me to relive and replay scenes in my mind that pull me into negativity and critical thinking-- failures, pasts, statistics, what if?s...

i resolve to trust God more; the enemy reminds me of all the reasons to be skeptical, cautious, and to resort to what I know

i resolve to wait; the enemy tells me that no decision IS a decision and that i am disobeying if i'm not making one

i resolve to rest; the enemy shows me all of my commitments and pursuits and laughs in my face

i resolve to follow God, even in the risk; satan reminds me that the safe places feel good, and are a lot less lonely


for these reasons, with my resolve and my determination, i absolutely MUST spend the moments that follow, and the rest of my LIFE, re-submitting to God, re-trusting Him for power, and renewing my mind with the beautiful truth of His word and who He is. i also must re-think the level of difficulty, and the amount of strength i thought it might not require....ha. thank you, satan, for reminding me how quickly i must hasten to my God to supply all of my needs. when i recognize you again, may i be quicker. and the next time, quicker.

shout out

I found this monthly post by Leslie Ludy on her site, Set Apart Girl.

It challenged and reminded me of the urgency I want to feel when it comes to spending time with God. Hope it spurs you on to pick up your pace as we chase our Father, the "Wild Goose" who never stops! :)

Spiritual Determination by Leslie Ludy

In some of my books, I’ve mentioned how I love to listen to Scripture on my IPOD–while I’m driving, cleaning, or waiting for an appointment. This week as I was cleaning out my closet (part of the whole “nesting” instinct, since I have another baby coming in a few weeks!) I was listening to the book of Mark, and heard the story of the sick man who’s friends were so determined to get him to Jesus that they climbed up onto the roof and let his bed down through the ceiling:

And when they could not come near Him because of the crowd, they uncovered the roof where He was. So when they had broken through, they let down the bed on which the paralytic was lying. (Mark 2:4)


When Jesus saw their faith, he forgave the man’s sins and healed him from his sickness. They knew that Jesus was the only one who could help their friend. So they loaded him onto a bed and brought him to the place where Jesus was. When they saw that it was impossible to get to Jesus because of the crowds, they didn’t turn back and say, “Oh well, at least we tried.” They refused to give in to defeat. They were willing go to any and all means to remove the obstacles keeping them from laying their sick friend at Christ’s feet. This is the kind of dogged faith and spiritual determination that God responds to. Their determination and commitment yielded great rewards.

This story convicted and challenged me in a whole new way as I heard it. How many times do we allow the “crowds” to keep us from laying our cares at Jesus’ feet? Without Him, we can do nothing – He is the one who has everything we need for life and godliness. But how often to we allow circumstances, busyness and distractions to keep us from Him? The past few weeks, my life has been exceptionally full with travel, deadlines, household projects and of course caring for three little munchkins under the age of four! During busy seasons, it’s all too easy to make a half-hearted attempt to guard my time in God’s presence – rather than being willing to do whatever it takes to come and kneel at Jesus’ feet. Andrew Bonar once said,

O brothers and sisters, pray; in spite of Satan, pray; spend hours in prayer; rather neglect friends than not pray; rather fast, and lose breakfast, dinner, tea, and supper – and sleep too – than not pray. And we must not talk about prayer, we must pray in right earnest. The Lord is near. He comes softly while the virgins slumber.

Are we willing to lose sleep, food, productivity, social status, and “down time” in order to come before our Lord every day and make Him the highest priority of our life? Do we have a spiritual determination that says, “no obstacle will keep me from my King – even if I must go to the rooftop and break through the house tiles to get to Him!”? Or do we make half-hearted attempts to spend time in prayer, and when distractions arise say, “Oh well, at least I tried.” God has been challenging me on this point at a whole new level. I have realized afresh that I must allow nothing to become an excuse to keep me from Him.

Whenever I catch myself saying, “Well, I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’m 7 months pregnant, so I probably should just have a short quiet time and call it good,” that’s when I know that my spiritual determination has weakened, that I’ve allowed the cares of this world to creep in and keep me from my King. May we never be content with a paltry, half-hearted spiritual life or say, “once I’m done with this busy time, I’ll get back to true prayer.” Rather, let us doggedly, determinedly remove any and every obstacle that keeps us from coming to Him daily, spending hours in His presence, and receiving everything we need for life and godliness!

Monday, April 27, 2009

praises

praise God for:

His undeniable leadership

my job for next year!

the book "Wild Goose Chase" by Mark Batterson that has changed and is changing my life

my church, In Focus

roommates with big hearts and love for God and me

rest

friends who challenge the way I live and respond

conviction

sunshine

colors

smiles and new chances